Don't Waste It

talent |ˈtalənt|noun1 natural aptitude or skill : he possesses more talent than any other player | shedisplayed a talent for garden design.• people possessing such aptitude or skill
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I've been thinking a lot lately about talent -  God given, raw talent. I think 90% of the time when we talk about talent, people automatically start to think of those that are musically or artistically gifted, but it is so much more. Which led me to my next thought, why do we so often sell ourselves short? Why do we dismiss what we are gifted at? Is it that we are in fear of being full of ourselves, or is it simply that we do not see our gifts as, "enough". 
Why do we question ourselves? What is it about our "talent" that we are so scared or ashamed of to share? There are people with talents very different from mine, and I so appreciate that, parts of life and even my work are effected by their gifting. And even as I write that I feel in a sense that I am cutting down or under playing my own God given talents, whatever they may be.
Why are you wasting your talent? Some where someone is need of your talent. It doesn't matter that other people might have the same type of talent - There is something in you that sets you apart from all of the others. I recognize that I am saying this as much to myself as I am to anyone that's reading this.
So my challenge to you today - Don't waste your talent. Find a way this week to exercise that very thing you have been gifted with. And if you feel like you don't know what your talent is, take some time over the next couple of days, weeks, even months to figure out what you are gifted at, what you are passionate about, and then pursue it.

Great Expectations

What if we just started to expect great things? What if we just anticipated that good things can and will happen? It's not an easy task. I think about the disappointment that can come with expecting. But right now I think that's a chance I'm willing to take.

I'm not expecting or anticipating any big thing. No surprises, no Prince Charming on my doorstep. While those would be nice it's not what I'm talking about.

I suppose what I'm talking about a place of surrender. Okay Jesus - I don't know what's ahead on this path, but I know that this is the path you've put me on, so there's got to be something good, something great up ahead, so I'll follow and anticipate something good. It might just be that I learn something new. Perhaps I will see things with a new perspective. Or maybe it's not about me at all.

I am expecting great things.

Reflecting

I really can't believe that we are getting ready to end 2010. This year has passed by with so fast, yet when I think on the things that happened this year they almost feel like a lifetime ago.


The year started out in an excited rut (how's that for oxymoron?). I had met someone I was so excited about and felt like "this was finally it", but also in a job that was good, but it wasn't what I wanted my forever to be and I felt like I would be stuck there forever. 


Needless to say it only took a few months to find out that the "this is finally it" was actually dysfunction junction and that someone I had called friend for years was actually a manipulative liar. It was happy times let me tell you! But in the midst of all of that hurt and crazy I found myself surrounded by amazing friends, a great church, and a new job.


The job is amazing - it of course has it flaws, (what job doesn't?) but it has been great to be excited about what I'm doing and enjoying who I work for/with. My church continues to bless me and makes me happy that I can call it home. And my friends...I wish everyone could have friends like mine. They really are amazing people, and I can't imagine having journeyed through this year without them.


Things I would change about this year.... There's only one thing I would change about this year and there's still time to fix it - the rest ehe, I chalk it up to life/learning experiences.


I'm excited for 2011. I don't have a clue what's in store for the next year, I'm not even going to set up expectations for what I "hope" or think might happen. I will just let the year surprise me. I do, however  anticipate that it will be one of my greatest years yet.


I hope that you end 2010 with no regrets and I wish great things for your 2011.


- Sandrine

Just a thought

Something funny/crazy/ totally bizarre happened today. It was the kind of thing I would have picked up the phone to call and tell you about. A reason just to hear your voice and laugh with you.

Big things happened not too long ago. Once again they were things that I would have wanted to share with you. Things that I could have gotten your honest opinion on, things I would have liked to celebrate with you.

Today I was discussing the difference between love and obsession. In the midst of the conversation I said that I think I might have been obsessed, but the more I think about it - the more I think I was in love with the idea of you. Don't get me wrong you were/are a great person, but now that it's all said and done I think about the time I had "getting over you" and I think it was more "getting over the idea of you".

Sometimes I still want to call you. Sometimes I still want to laugh with you. But that chapter is over, and who am I to try and put a comma where God put a period?

It's time for a new chapter with a new someone. Time to call someone else when the funny things happen. Time to want to laugh with someone else.

This Season....

I wish I were a better blogger, I always have things I want to write about, yet fail to make time to sit down and write them. I think I get too easily distracted with "life". Sometimes I wonder if I miss a lot of life because I am so busy with it. Does that even make sense?


Today is my Sabbath. Sunday should probably always be my sabbath, but I've been so committed to church and other things that a solid day of rest is often over-looked on my part. So today I decided I was going to have a real sabbath. I slept in, skipped church, went to the movies, had lunch, and now I'm sitting on the couch with two sweet puppies taking time to do what I want - write. It has been a lovely day.


My own personal life has changed so drastically in the last 5 months it kind of makes my head spin. I have a new job that I absolutely love, with a boss that I don't even know if I can find the right words to grasp what an amazing boss he is. The church that I was so hesitant to even go to regularly is now a HUGE part of my life. I am learning, connecting, and directing there, and it's crazy. But I love it. My friends have increased in number, sadly when life is changing for you and for the people around you it's hard to keep up with everyone. I've added some new folks who bring new color and insight to life as I know it and I'm thankful for each one of them. I also had to let some friendships go. I came to realize that some people couldn't be trusted, some were liars, and some didn't care as much as I did, and some I just needed space from. And as much as that saddens me it is a part of life.


Overall, I can't complain about this season of life. There are things of course that I would love to fall into place or to change, but since I can't change them, I am learning to adapt and work with what I've been given. Life is constantly changing and I think we are all trying to go with the flow and dodge the punches thrown our way. Through it all I'm praying not only for myself but for all of you, "Jesus show me the way you want me to go, direct my path."


I hope everyone out there is doing well!


Know that you are loved!


Sandrine

Puma in Training?

In the past couple of months I seem to be the Pied Piper to Young Men. And when I say young I mean, early 20's. I'm not sure how or why, but they seem to be finding me regardless of where I am or what I am doing. I don't have an issue with someone a few years younger, but 9 or 10 years is a bit much, when it's barely 21. The sad part is that they all have been completly adorable. But, I'm too scared I'll be on the next episode of "To Catch A Predator" with police jumping out of the bushes to give these guys serious consideration.

Am I being ridiculous? Am I a Puma in training? God knows I'm not old enough to be a Cougar!Should I be giving these youngsters a chance? I feel dirty even considering it.

I think I'm going to start carding guys as soon as they approach. For the record...single life is ridiculous. But a convent is more appealing everyday. I already wear black and white, almost every day. The only draw back is that Sister Sandrine sounds stupid. Actually I can think of more drawbacks than just that one. But that's another blog...

Poindexter or Old Navy Lady???

So in true Sandrine fashion - as only I can do, I lost my glasses on friday night. How you ask? I hung my head out of the car window to "spit" my gum while on San Pedro late at night/early morning and instead my glasses were caught by the wind and flew off of my face. Nice!

For those of you that don't know me that well, I am BLIND. I don't mean Stevie Wonder blind, but close. Like the first thing I do in the morning is reach for my glasses so I can make it out of the room. People always ask - are you farsighted or nearsighted? The answer is yes. I've been in glasses since the age of 8 and near or far - it doesn't make a difference anymore it's all a mess.

So, my good buddy Joan drove me home, being that I couldn't drive myself - being that I can't see and all. Saturday morning revealed what I knew in the back of my head, I didn't have a backup pair. (I think I broke those too) BUT, I did have a great pair of prescription sunglasses. I sported those to go get my eyes checked and get new specs. Can someone tell me why I am the only person in the world who goes to the 1 hour glasses place and NEVER gets her glasses in an hour? No, I get to rock the Stevie Wonder look through the weekend. Awesome.

Monday comes along and Whoop! whoop! It's time to go get my glasses! I go and pick them up and go along my merry way. (Insert scratching record sound here) Is it just me or are these glasses HUGE? I don't remember picking these out! The more I look at myself in the mirror, I'm pretty sure they aren't the glasses I picked out, so I take a pic on my cell and send it to my Mother.

Ring Ring!
Me: Hey
Mom: Why are you're glasses so big?
Me: Ok so I'm not crazy - I think they gave me the wrong glasses

So I go back - I tell the lady, "I hate these, I don't think they are what I wanted". She of course is OH SO helpful and tells me to pick another pair and they will fix it. Once again I am the girl who's glasses are never ready in a hour so I have to come back the next day. Tuesday morning I call - "No ma'am they are not ready - we will have them at 3PM." Aren't they the ONE HOUR place???? So at 3PM I traipse into the store....

Ma'am - there was a problem with the lense - you're glasses won't be ready until sometime tomorrow. WHAT?????? At which point I am tempted to act like an outraged idiot, but I pull it together, take a deep breathe, channel my inner nice girl and reply, "Hmm - ooooookkkaaayyy, " (I might be playing nice girl, but I'm still sassy). "Can you tell me when they will be ready? I'm just tired of coming back and forth only to get the run around" The lady apologizes profusely and assures me that she will call the very moment they are ready.

Oh I'm playing the nice girl - but if my glasses aren't ready tomorrow.........

In the mean time - entertain yourself with the cell phone pic of the nasty glasses. I can't determine if they are more Old Navy Lady or Poindexter - I'm thinking PD.

Shake it like a what?

I read the following on CNN.com today...

"Sixty years after Polaroid introduced its first instant camera, the company's iconic film is disappearing from stores. Although Polaroid says the film should be available into 2009, this is the final month of its last production year. Eclipsed by digital photography, Polaroid's white-bordered prints -- and the anticipation they created as their ghostly images gradually came into view -- will soon be things of the past."

How sad is that?? I mean I love the digital camera, but I REALLY LOVE the Polaroid! Some of my most cherished pictures are polaroids! I even offered my polaroid photography at my friend Lindsay's wedding, when she was looking for a photographer. (I've got mad polaroid skillz just in case you were wondering) There is something so magical about taking a picture and getting something in your hand that is blank and gradually changes into a magnificent picture with just a few shakes.

My 8 year old & 3 year old cousin will never know the magic of a polaroid picture! Not to mention that "Shake it like a Polaroid picture" will mean absolutely nothing to them! I'm trying to decide which is sadder.

So while I am mourning the passing of the Polaroid, I suppose I should give a shout out of thanks to Andre 3000 for memorializing the fun of "shaking it like polaroid picture".

Here are the pieces of my heart.

I feel like my heart probably resembles this one in a lot of ways.

My heart has been broken, beaten, and bruised. I'm not talking just relationships. I mean life, job, friends, love, on and on I could go.

I think in the past I've been careless with my heart, flippantly carrying it in my hand from place to place, tossing it in my backpack as I encountered the issues in life. So I suppose I have myself to blame for it's current condition.

I am starting to realize that I have gone to the other extreme. Where I used to be careless with my heart, I am now over-protective. Where I used to allow it to take chances, I now keep it hidden from the world, so as not to inflict more damage. I tend to keep it wrapped in 20 lbs of heavy blankets and then locked away in a trunk.

I've done my heart a disservice both ways. So how does one find the balance? I'm not sure I know. I'm not sure I know how to, but I have to try. Because when I locked my heart up, I locked up a part of my great adventurer, I locked away the will to take great chances. I miss those things, I feel like they are suffocating and slowly dying in the isolation booth I have set them in.

So I'm trying to find the balance. I realize that my heart might get smashed to smithereens. I realize there might not be any great adventure, and I am aware that there may never be one great love. But what good will a heart in tact merit me at the end of my life, if it has not seen, if has not done, if it has not lived?

That's a chance I don't want to take....

Oh Crap

Do ever have that feeling of complete dread? Like the sh*t is about to hit the fan? You just know it's coming.

I am suddenly overwhelmed with that feeling. Except I don't know what it is. I mean I have a feeling some drama is coming, but I don't know what the drama could be. I just have this awful feeling.

I don't know what it could be, I just know I don't like it.

I'll let you know what it ended up being if anything.

- S

Upside Down

This is how I currently feel. Have you ever been on a path, just living life only to wake up one day and feel like you are in the Twilight Zone? The last week and a half have been my Twilight Zone. There are normal things happening around me, regular life stuff, so I know I haven't lost my mind. There have been happy things and things to celebrate and I think those are things that have kept me sane.

The other stuff? It's all just too bizarre to put into print. Give me a call sometime when you are ready for a, laugh till you cry and the scratch your head as you wonder what the heck just happened, moment.

I know that "they" say trials build character, but what does insanity build? I'd like to think that in some way I will be a better person on the other side of all of this insanity. But I can't think of how it would make me a better person.

As I type insanity has reared it's unstable head and is messing with my relatively calm evening.

Did you know....

That when insanity is around you shouldn't drink coffee - it's a stimulant and in the midst of crazy it messes with your nervous system

That your heart rate can increase rapidly in a matter of seconds when the insanity starts?

You are more likely to sleep better if you have a glass of water and say a prayer over the crazy before you retire for the evening?

(**please note these are not the opinions of doctors, nor professionals - just simply Sandrine-isms)

I don't know how to cut the crazy, but I have to. Somehow, someway! Isn't the Twilight Zone only a 30 minute show?? Cause my 30 minutes passed about 20 episodes ago!

Crossroads

Crossroads are amazing and scary things. They have so much potential and can lead you on great adventures or painful journeys.

I am standing at my own crossroads. It seems like more than one actually, work, life, relationships. Maybe they are tied together. Either way, I'm standing right in the middle, trying as hard as I can with my feeble human abilities to look as hard as I can to see what's along the journey of each of them. They all will contain some bit of heartache, that is inevitable. But will the joy outweigh the pain, will following the wrong path lead me to something miserable that I might not recover from?

I feel like the past 4 years I've made some monumental mistakes. Some of them knowingly, but most of them not. And although it has been miserable at times, I don't know that I would change the mistakes I've made for the lessons I've learned because of them.

I am standing at a crossroad bad decisions once again waiting for me to choose them, good decisions not pestering me to choose them, but standing there hoping I will. But they aren't giving me any clear direction. I have to choose a path, I have no way of knowing if it's the right one or not. But I will choose and I will drag those good and bad choices along with me and hope I choose the right one along the way.

Needy vs. In Need

Two things that almost sound the same, but that are so very different. Both require so much of a person and are often hard to give.

If you know me well, you know that I don't do needy. Yes, we all want to be needed on some level, but I don't want to be needed like that. Does that make sense? Probably not let me break Needy down for you in my mind. Needy - looking to fill a void or an empty space, hope or desire for something to fill that void. Here's the thing with Neediness, it passes. Once that void is filled, once the turmoil is over, you are no longer needed, you are dismissed in a sense. As cheese at it sounds, I don't want to play Pooh to anyone's Christopher Robin. (Thank you Beautiful Women, that's one of the greatest lines ever!)

But a friend in need is completely different. More times than not, the person in need isn't looking for you to do anything for that need. My heart hurts thinking about the friends in need that I can't help meet that need. As much as I want to do something to have some solution to meet that need, I can't.

And that is what is keeping me up thinking tonight.

Who Knew?

Every year for the past 6 years at the very least my friend Tal and I have a conversation and it goes like this,

Tal: "I'm sorry your unhappy with your job. So let me ask you this, what do you REALLY want to do? What would you not mind spending the rest of your life doing?"

Me: "Tal, this is going to sound so stupid and like a complete slacker, but I love having fun. If I'm not having fun whatever I'm doing is just not worth it. I want to have fun for the rest of my life, I want everyone around me to be having fun. But having fun is not a real job, so I don't know what I can do."

Today I started a new job. I went through the interview and somehow managed to stand out. So, when I get there today and really start talking to my new boss about my responsibilities. My job is to plan parties. Yes that will require sales, some hustling, but my job is to bring the fun.

As I was driving home today I was talking to my Mom and she was telling of a conversation she had with a friend today. And that friend said to her, "I can't imagine a better job for Sandrine, a job that's about having fun, and making sure other people have fun." It was at that moment I was reminded of all those past conversations with Tal where I lamented that what I wanted to do didn't really exist.

So it turns out, that maybe this isn't just another job, it's the answer to a long standing prayer.

- S

Hello Life, It's Sandrine

I have had a few days this week, where I wake up in the middle of the night and think - where have I been? In some ways I feel like I've been checked out for a while. I went to see my Mom in South Carolina, but that was only for a few days.

I am aware of what's going on in the world around me, but aside from Lindsay, Monica, & Jennifer - I am almost completely disconnected from my friends.

When I was moving around all of the time, one of the few things I prided myself in was maintaining relationships. Regardless of where my friends were I did a fantastic job of keeping up with them. But strangely it feels like being stationary - settled in one place has made me lazy.

Shana - my best friend lives in the same city and we talk maybe once a month - and see each other every 2 months or so. Granted we both have crazy jobs and we both realize that we are complete slackers - so we're working at spending more time together.

Hilarie - also in the same city, just on the other side of town. I think it's been 2 months since I've actually spent time with her and I talked to her briefly last week when sharing the news of my new job. I keep up on her life via facebook and her blog.

Amy - my bff in Kansas City. The person I used to spend every single day with. The friend that lived with my Mom in Louisiana, while I lived with her parents in Kansas City. I never imagined a time when I wouldn't know what was happening in Amy's life. But as it turns out - I am way out of the loop. She had her bachlorette party this weekend. I didn't even know about it.

I could go on and on about the friends I've lost track of. Sans Shana and Hil all of the rest I at least have the excuse that they live in a different city/state. I think Amy's bachlorette thing kind of snapped me to attention just how far removed I've become.

I don't have a reason why - I don't have an excuse. It's kind of like I just checked out. I have to admit it made me very sad. And yes it is all a two way street, but I can't help but wonder if I made more of an effort, would they? And where do you go from here? Has too much time passed to try and catch up? I'm not used to this. I'm not used to maintenance. I'm used to friends like Shana and Heather - that yeah I might not talk to you for a month maybe more, but it's ok - when we catch up, we're ok - we're right where we left off.

So, to Shana, Hil, Amy, Miriam, Lisa, Ashley, Alma, Cassandra, Sarah, Mikey, Rachel, Alisa, Regina, Robin, Stacie, Tiff and whoever else I'm missing. I'm sorry I've been MIA! I'll try to be better!

I Give Up

I am tired. I'm tired of life not falling into place. I'm tired of feeling like "this is it," only to be met with dissapointment. I'm tired of being overwhelmed with taking care of one, only to feel like I've neglected 1,000. I'm tired of my junk and I'm tired of everyone else's frivolous crap. And I'm tired that I'm tired.

So I give up. I'm going back to square one, whatever that may be. I don't know what it looks like, but it can't be more dissapointing than now. Maybe by going back and I can figure out where it all went wrong.

Dumb Americans

The Washington Post recently did an article surround the book, The American Voters Revisited. In the 60's four professors from the University of Michigan did a study of the American voter. They found that many Americans are uninformed and clueless as to what their party and/or chosen candidate stood for.

Now almost 50 years later it appears that Americans remain unchanged. We are just as ignorant if not more so regarding their parties and where the candidates stand on the issues - or even what the issues even are. They are simply voting a certain way because that's the way the parents/families have always voted.

Could this be why we are losing our status as one of the most powerful nations? Are we making a mockery of all that our troops have fought for and are fighting to protect? As we come upon this election I challenge and encourage everyone to dig deep. Find out what your candidate is about. What are their plans for our country? How will those plans effect you, your children, and your parents.

To be perfectly honest there are things that I don't like at all about my candidate of choice, I disagree with his stance on some of the issues. But in my heart, I feel like he's the right one for the job. Some of the issues even though they are bothersome to me are not the "real issue". In some regards I think we've become obsessed with trying to stop or cure, or even argue the symptoms, rather than dealing with the sickness itself. It is my hope that my candidate of choice will do just that. But time will tell.

With the state of our economy and the wars and rumors of wars surrounding us, we cannot afford to approach our politics flippantly.

The choice, truly is yours......

It's back

For 10 years my life was about moving every year. Not just for the joy of moving, but for work. It was fantastic, if you loved a place , although it was hard to leave, you were glad for the time you had there. If you hated it, well you only had to suffer through it for a year.

When I stopped traveling it was all about stability - how could I have a real life and ever have a meaningful relationship if I were moving all of the time? If I could reach back in time I'd slap that naive 25 year old and tell her to stay where she was and enjoy what she had. Since "settling down" I feel as though I stay in a constant state of discontent. Perhaps my heart truly is that of a wanderer.

But in the midst of my desire to "wander" I wonder (I wonder as a I wander... I think that's one of my fave Christmas songs!) I digress... I wonder in the midst of all of this roaming if I am just searching. When I was a kid or even 10 years ago I could tell you what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to be when I grew up, what I was passionate about. And as of late it seems to have become this gray fuzzy lump that has no clarity. Maybe I'm just looking for the thing that motivates me again.

So how do you find your passion again? How do you get back to the main road when the detour you've taken is so off the beaten path you can't even see the little bread pieces you laid out for yourself to find your way back?

Meanwhile that itch is back - waiting and ready for you to move, to change your surroundings, and get away to something new and different yet, always familiar.

I'm a bad blogger

I know! It's been weeks since I've updated and weeks upon weeks before that last one. Not that there's isn't anything going on. In fact there's too much going on, none that I'm ready to share with the world yet though.

So what can I tell you? I can tell you that I'm in a reading frenzy. I just finished a book, Hopeless Romantic by Harriet Evans. It was a great book and long. It last a whole 4 days! I've been reading a lot of books lately where the main character has some sort of relational issues. And sadly with each one I think "I'm that girl!" Even sadder - they all have different issues, which means I need to get into therapy ASAP. Not really, because even with my issues more times than not I find that I'm very content with where I am relationally.

I have decided however in recent weeks that I am cutting back on the married friend time. Nothing against them. I just need to be around people who are where I am in life and who haven't been struck with amnesia and have no recollection of what single life was like. Yes, I'll fall in love someday, but not today. And no I don't want you to "find me a husband" nor do I want you to think that you've found my perfect match just because you know a guy who's single, and I'm single therefore we are made for each other. I am constantly amazed by the people that friends and acquaintances want to fix me up with. I want to say "Do you even know me???" How did you think this person might kind of sorta be my type? It's moments like those that a convent and a retreat center hidden in the Himalayas sounds so very appealing.

I'll let you know when I find the retreat center and where to forward my mail soon...

- Drine

FugMonsters Need Love Too

Today a Fug Monster came in to sign a contract to hold her wedding at our Facility. Now I'm not trying to be mean - well maybe a little. But this poor unfortunate girl, with seemingly no personality is now planning her wedding.

WTH??

Granted if I sit back and evaluate the situation I can resolve a few things....
1) I don't want to look like her
2) Although I haven't seen him yet, I'm pretty certain I don't want her fiancée
3) And based on the little information she gave me her wedding will be ugly.

I'd say 95% of the time I am very content with my life. I answer to no one but God, I go where I want, when I want, and with whomever I choose. I love my life.

But there are moments like today when the Fug monsters of the world come out to let you know that even they have found someone to spend the rest of their life with as you stay alone with your "happiness".

It's at these times where I start to think "why did I let the chiropractor go?" or "why couldn't I get over myself and resolve the issues with whats his butt's friend that I really did like?" or my favorite, "why did I waste so much time on him?"

But even as I'm having this conversation in my head. I am working late, getting more hours which equals more money, driving myself home - stopping to pick up a salad at Wendy's, and coming home to flip channels between the basketball game and Samantha Who reruns.
Answering to no one.

I guess things could be a lot worse. I could be ugly.