Almost Honest

I've been thinking a lot about honesty. I'm not talking truth vs. lie, I'm talking about openness, being real, being honest about what you think and feel.

I was thinking back to younger Sandrine, when telling a story of something that happened or something that was going on, in my description of the situation or circumstances, I always included how I felt. I described my thoughts and emotions in every situation. In particular, I'm thinking about my teen & young adult years. My friends at the time, they didn't make fun of it, but they found it amusing. In every story or they would stop me and ask, "Wait, how were you feeling?". It never "hurt" my feelings, but I became keenly aware of what I shared. Maybe people didn't really want to know what I was feeling.

I don't think my young mind truly processed it at the time, but hindsight I can see where I stopped sharing my emotions. You have to be in the inner circle and willing to dig a little to get my real feelings and emotions. (Yes, I'm fully aware of how unhealthy that is).

A couple of weeks ago I was put on the spot. It
wasn't a question that was life or death that needed to answer, but it was a question that would require me to be a little vulnerable and share what I might really be thinking or feeling. Instead I laughed it off and made an escape. You know what's sad about all of that? I wanted/needed someone to ask that question, so I could get answers myself. But that would've required some honesty from myself. Why is that so scary? In part I know it was scary because I didn't know what the other answer would be, but hadn't I been complaining about needing an answer?

What right do I have to be angry or upset at someone else's lack of candid honesty, when I can't/won't give it myself??

I'm not wanting to be the girl that attaches her emotions to everything, but I do think it's time to be the girl that is real & honest with her emotions and what she is feeling.

So I guess it begins here....