Burnin Up

It's a slow burn. I heard something and I took it with a grain of salt, almost dismissed it. But the more it has been expounded upon, the more I think about it, the more it starts to burn me up. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I'm overreacting. And yet it feels totally justified to be this pissed off. Maybe it is my fault, maybe I should know better. Then again, if you know me, you know.

The reality is I have myself to blame, so I guess that takes away my right to be pissed. And that just pisses me off more.

CAUTION

Needy vs. In Need

Two things that almost sound the same, but that are so very different. Both require so much of a person and are often hard to give.

If you know me well, you know that I don't do needy. Yes, we all want to be needed on some level, but I don't want to be needed like that. Does that make sense? Probably not let me break Needy down for you in my mind. Needy - looking to fill a void or an empty space, hope or desire for something to fill that void. Here's the thing with Neediness, it passes. Once that void is filled, once the turmoil is over, you are no longer needed, you are dismissed in a sense. As cheese at it sounds, I don't want to play Pooh to anyone's Christopher Robin. (Thank you Beautiful Women, that's one of the greatest lines ever!)

But a friend in need is completely different. More times than not, the person in need isn't looking for you to do anything for that need. My heart hurts thinking about the friends in need that I can't help meet that need. As much as I want to do something to have some solution to meet that need, I can't.

And that is what is keeping me up thinking tonight.

Who Knew?

Every year for the past 6 years at the very least my friend Tal and I have a conversation and it goes like this,

Tal: "I'm sorry your unhappy with your job. So let me ask you this, what do you REALLY want to do? What would you not mind spending the rest of your life doing?"

Me: "Tal, this is going to sound so stupid and like a complete slacker, but I love having fun. If I'm not having fun whatever I'm doing is just not worth it. I want to have fun for the rest of my life, I want everyone around me to be having fun. But having fun is not a real job, so I don't know what I can do."

Today I started a new job. I went through the interview and somehow managed to stand out. So, when I get there today and really start talking to my new boss about my responsibilities. My job is to plan parties. Yes that will require sales, some hustling, but my job is to bring the fun.

As I was driving home today I was talking to my Mom and she was telling of a conversation she had with a friend today. And that friend said to her, "I can't imagine a better job for Sandrine, a job that's about having fun, and making sure other people have fun." It was at that moment I was reminded of all those past conversations with Tal where I lamented that what I wanted to do didn't really exist.

So it turns out, that maybe this isn't just another job, it's the answer to a long standing prayer.

- S

I'm obsessed

I love Vampires. I always have. Why you ask? I'm not sure. So I've actually been avoiding reading Twilight. All of the hype I knew it was going to be a dissapointment. But then yesterday, as I was walking around the store looking for a book to read and there it was. I tried to ignore it, and then I saw it had been marked down. "Read Me! Read Me!" I couldn't resist, so I bought it.

Yeah...I started reading at 4pm yesterday afternoon. I finished at 4:45am. I stayed up all night reading this book. I can't decide if the book is just that good, or if I was just that bored. Haha! But here's what I do know - I love Edward Cullen. I'd probably go all stupid like Bella too.

Now I'm off to pick up the next book in the series, but this time I'm pacing myself! Man I love Vampires!