It's back

For 10 years my life was about moving every year. Not just for the joy of moving, but for work. It was fantastic, if you loved a place , although it was hard to leave, you were glad for the time you had there. If you hated it, well you only had to suffer through it for a year.

When I stopped traveling it was all about stability - how could I have a real life and ever have a meaningful relationship if I were moving all of the time? If I could reach back in time I'd slap that naive 25 year old and tell her to stay where she was and enjoy what she had. Since "settling down" I feel as though I stay in a constant state of discontent. Perhaps my heart truly is that of a wanderer.

But in the midst of my desire to "wander" I wonder (I wonder as a I wander... I think that's one of my fave Christmas songs!) I digress... I wonder in the midst of all of this roaming if I am just searching. When I was a kid or even 10 years ago I could tell you what I wanted to do with my life, what I wanted to be when I grew up, what I was passionate about. And as of late it seems to have become this gray fuzzy lump that has no clarity. Maybe I'm just looking for the thing that motivates me again.

So how do you find your passion again? How do you get back to the main road when the detour you've taken is so off the beaten path you can't even see the little bread pieces you laid out for yourself to find your way back?

Meanwhile that itch is back - waiting and ready for you to move, to change your surroundings, and get away to something new and different yet, always familiar.

Decision Time

Dormant: marked by a suspension of activity: as a: temporarily devoid of external activity dormant volcano> b: temporarily in abeyance yet capable of being activated

Active: characterized by action rather than by contemplation or speculation active life> 2: producing or involving action or movement

Dreams: (3) a strongly desired goal or purpose dream of becoming president> b: something that fully satisfies a wish : ideal

It is an interesting interaction when the 3 meet. Only you can decide the outcome. Fear dwells among them, but it is your choice if the fear will motivate you or hinder you.

The clock is ticking frantically. It's time to make a decision.....

I'm a bad blogger

I know! It's been weeks since I've updated and weeks upon weeks before that last one. Not that there's isn't anything going on. In fact there's too much going on, none that I'm ready to share with the world yet though.

So what can I tell you? I can tell you that I'm in a reading frenzy. I just finished a book, Hopeless Romantic by Harriet Evans. It was a great book and long. It last a whole 4 days! I've been reading a lot of books lately where the main character has some sort of relational issues. And sadly with each one I think "I'm that girl!" Even sadder - they all have different issues, which means I need to get into therapy ASAP. Not really, because even with my issues more times than not I find that I'm very content with where I am relationally.

I have decided however in recent weeks that I am cutting back on the married friend time. Nothing against them. I just need to be around people who are where I am in life and who haven't been struck with amnesia and have no recollection of what single life was like. Yes, I'll fall in love someday, but not today. And no I don't want you to "find me a husband" nor do I want you to think that you've found my perfect match just because you know a guy who's single, and I'm single therefore we are made for each other. I am constantly amazed by the people that friends and acquaintances want to fix me up with. I want to say "Do you even know me???" How did you think this person might kind of sorta be my type? It's moments like those that a convent and a retreat center hidden in the Himalayas sounds so very appealing.

I'll let you know when I find the retreat center and where to forward my mail soon...

- Drine