Fill In the Blank Friday

1.   I am currently obsessed with       ADELE. The woman has stupid talent, and her new album is amazing. Today is the first day since it's release on Tuesday that I haven't listened to it all day.

2.  Today I am    tired     because,    I signed a lease on a new apartment with my good friend Jill this week. We started staying at the new place on Wednesday. I think the excitement of a new apartment - downtown no less has effected my sleep  .

3.  The age I am is    34     and the age I feel is    Some days I feel like I'm still 23, and like I'm just really getting started with my adult life and the world is mine to conquer. Then there are days where I feel 34, and that depresses me a little, I feel like I should be further along in the 34 years than where I'm currently at. Then there are a few exceptions when I feel like I'm 60, and I want life to slow down and I wonder where time has gone, and why is everyone so freaking young.

4.  My favorite place is     the place where I can be. No one to have answers for, the place where I can simply be quiet, be loud, be obnoxious, be kind, be funny, be sad, create, just sleep, walk, sit.Right now that's a few places, home, my Mom's, a hotel on the beach.

5.  Something I have been procrastinating is     There's a work situation that I have to deal with, I've been praying that it would take care of itself, but with each passing day it is becoming clear that it's not. I need to pick up the phone and deal with it, but it give me a headache and makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

6.  The last thing I purchased was        a bottle of wine to celebrate Linda being cancer free!

7.  The thing I love most about my home is       I love being downtown - it's where I was meant to be I think. I have a great roommate! I feel like after a few crappy months this is the beginning of a new happy season, and lots of good things  .

Great Expectations

What if we just started to expect great things? What if we just anticipated that good things can and will happen? It's not an easy task. I think about the disappointment that can come with expecting. But right now I think that's a chance I'm willing to take.

I'm not expecting or anticipating any big thing. No surprises, no Prince Charming on my doorstep. While those would be nice it's not what I'm talking about.

I suppose what I'm talking about a place of surrender. Okay Jesus - I don't know what's ahead on this path, but I know that this is the path you've put me on, so there's got to be something good, something great up ahead, so I'll follow and anticipate something good. It might just be that I learn something new. Perhaps I will see things with a new perspective. Or maybe it's not about me at all.

I am expecting great things.

Stupid Forgiveness

So in recent weeks at church we've been talking about dealing with conflict, forgiveness, taking up others offenses, etc... I've sat through all of these teachings and thought, "These are awesome words. I really hope this is speaking to someone, and Oh I should write that down and remember that for the next time I have an issue." That's probably not accurate of what I was thinking, the truth is, I know that some of the things being said applied to me and my life - just not right at the moment.


Yesterday, I read something a conversation of sorts between two people. It made me so angry and it had absolutely nothing to do with me - aside from the fact that I used to have an issue with one of the people. Note the *used to*. Later in the day I was talking with one of my best friends Annetta, about my anger and without a thought I said, "I hate X, I really do, and I don't feel bad saying that." WHOA! What? I said I was done with that, where did that come from?


As the evening progressed and I thought more and more about it I began to realize, I said I was over it, I said I was done with it, but I never forgave. They didn't ask for my forgiveness as a matter of fact I'm sure my forgiving them isn't even on their radar. But that's not the issue, I wonder in all of my anger, my hurt, & my wishes for 1,000 plagues to fall upon this person... what have I missed that Jesus might have for me in the midst of my anger and unforgiveness? 


This morning I came across this verse - 1 Kings 8:50: And forgive your people, who have sinned against you; forgive all the offenses they have committed against you, and cause their captors to show them mercy. And my first thought was, Shut up! I don't want to forgive this person, I want the 1,000 plagues to fall on them and I want a front row seat to see it all go down. And then I read this, Matthew 6:14: For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. Dangit! There's no way to escape it! But the really I hate the way I feel regarding this person. 


Right now, at least in my mind and heart there is no chance to reconcile, but that's not the point. I am reduced them down to nothing but a liar and manipulator in my mind and heart. I want to be done and over it, and even though I have nothing to do with this person, the fact is I will continue to be angry and stop movement and growth in my own life. So I guess that leaves me here, forgiving. That's not to say that tomorrow or even a week from now that I won't think about it and have those feelings again - but when that time comes I will forgive them and I will continue to do so until my heart and mind are on the same page. 


Jesus is continually gracious and forgives my many blunders and mess ups on a daily basis, if He extends that grace to me, who am I to withhold grace from someone else?