Fill In The Blank Friday

I got this from The Bigger(s) Picture who got it from The Little Things We Do And I thought it was a cute idea so I'm jacking the idea and playing along. Feel free to do so too!

1.   My favorite quote is       Is much longer than a line. It's kind of my life quote, by Cardinal John Henry Newman. "God has created me to do Him some definite service.

He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may not know what it is in this life. But I shall be told in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for nothing. I shall do good. I shall do His work. Therefore I will trust Him. Whatever I do, wherever I am, I cannot be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about."

2.  A bad habit I have is    I tend to over commit or I don't commit at all. It's something I actually despise about myself. In an effort to make time for everyone I tend to commit myself to multiple things, but often ending up cutting my time short with people to make "time" for everyone. And then knowing that I have a tendency to do that, I over correct and then don't commit at all. I'm working on this one.

3.  The first time I felt like a "grown up" was       when signed the lease on my first apartment by myself. Living by myself, paying rent by myself. That and buying my car. No co-signing, no help, it was all quiet liberating.

4.  Weekends are   sometimes a distant memory. I have come to realize that I may be a workaholic. (Or maybe I'm updating my blog instead of doing work)So my weekends as of late seem to be spent at work. This is also something I'm working on this year, spend less time at work. I've failed miserably at this so far this year.

5.  When I was a child I wished my name was     Monique. Which is actually my middle name. There was a time when I thought I'd never learn how to spell Sandrine and I got tired of people slaughtering my name.

6.  I wish        I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller. Ok, not really. I wish I could travel the world and never have to worry about money. I have a lot of wishes right now, but since I don't know who all is reading this I'm not sure I want to share all of my bidness with you. But my blogger friends I'm sure are attune to some of the things I wish for .

7.  A secret I have is       Well it wouldn't be a secret if I told you would it? I've got lots of secrets and I'm content to keep them as just that, secret .

(Silent)

Get Your Head Out of Your Butt

For days I've been wanting to post this on facebook, but I have enough conservative friends that I haven't because - well I just don't want to fight about it. And while they might check my blog from time to time it's their choice to come in and read my mental vomit. My house, my rules, I can say what I want.


I think we can all agree that what happened in Arizona last week was horrific. Our hearts have broken for every victim of such a senseless act. Simply thinking about a child being hurt, much less killed breaks my heart and it brings tears to my eyes.


Over the last couple of days these ridiculous posts have been popping up, If guns kill people, then pencils misspell words, and cars drive drunk, and on and on it goes. While we all recognize that it takes someone to have the thought and pull the trigger - this seems to be such a callous - and quite honestly asshole-ish thing to say.


I'm sure I've already offended half of you with my language. Again I say - DEAL. My house, my rules, I say what I want.


A man killed those people. Agreed. But our gun laws made it way too easy to let such an unstable person have access to a weapon in which he was able to pull off such an act. Am I wrong to feel that we have some sort of responsibility to know the mental stability of who has the right to carry a gun? If the Army doesn't deem you mentally capable of serving/killing for your country why in the world would I want to put a gun in your hands on any average day??


This isn't a conservative/liberal rant, this is me talking about us as a country/government/people accepting some responsibility for allowing things to get this bad. Some would like to blame Sarah Palin. Do I think Sarah Palin is responsible for this guy choosing to kill these people. No. I don't know that for sure, I wouldn't dare put that on her. But I do think we have come to a place in time where we all have to be careful with what we say and what we put out there for crazy to jump on.


So to you, "guns don't kill people", folks out there - think of the victims and survivors of this attack and ask yourself if they feel the same way. Do they want to hug and thank the business that allowed this man to have a gun? Do the parents of that 9 year old little girl give a damn about pencils & misspelling? I don't care if you have a gun or not. I'm not against guns, but I do think we need to be more careful about who we let have them.


Rant Over.


Thank you and Good Day

Reflecting

I really can't believe that we are getting ready to end 2010. This year has passed by with so fast, yet when I think on the things that happened this year they almost feel like a lifetime ago.


The year started out in an excited rut (how's that for oxymoron?). I had met someone I was so excited about and felt like "this was finally it", but also in a job that was good, but it wasn't what I wanted my forever to be and I felt like I would be stuck there forever. 


Needless to say it only took a few months to find out that the "this is finally it" was actually dysfunction junction and that someone I had called friend for years was actually a manipulative liar. It was happy times let me tell you! But in the midst of all of that hurt and crazy I found myself surrounded by amazing friends, a great church, and a new job.


The job is amazing - it of course has it flaws, (what job doesn't?) but it has been great to be excited about what I'm doing and enjoying who I work for/with. My church continues to bless me and makes me happy that I can call it home. And my friends...I wish everyone could have friends like mine. They really are amazing people, and I can't imagine having journeyed through this year without them.


Things I would change about this year.... There's only one thing I would change about this year and there's still time to fix it - the rest ehe, I chalk it up to life/learning experiences.


I'm excited for 2011. I don't have a clue what's in store for the next year, I'm not even going to set up expectations for what I "hope" or think might happen. I will just let the year surprise me. I do, however  anticipate that it will be one of my greatest years yet.


I hope that you end 2010 with no regrets and I wish great things for your 2011.


- Sandrine

Time

One week ago marked 4 years of living back in San Antonio. It is officially the longest time I've lived anywhere in my adult life. I'll be perfectly honest and say, that thought causes much anxiety for me. I think back when I was moving around every year with my BG job, and the thing I craved/longed for the most was stability. To be in one place for longer than a year - to have everyday friends, to have a regular church, etc... The grass definitely looked greener on the other side. I do love the things that come with being in one place, but I also miss the chance to start anew in a different place, with new people. The grass wasn't as green as I thought, but at least it's not dead.


Two years ago this month a friend showed me that they couldn't be trusted, yet I chose to let that person back in for another chance. I was also at what I felt to be a crossroads of sorts in my life, deciding what it was that I was doing in my life, why exactly I moved back here (still trying to figure that one out btw.) I wish the me now could tell the me then a couple of things; people tell/show you exactly who they are - believe them and let them go. I would also tell that Sandrine that in two years, she still won't have it all figured out. It might be another 4 years before she ever does, and I'd tell her that good things are coming - stand strong through the crap and the moments of heartbreak and disappointment, good things are definitely coming. Better friends, a better job, I wouldn't tell her that a better guy is coming because I'm still waiting on that one. :)


A year ago this month I made a new friend. We laughed together a lot and we got to know each other quickly. I look back at the months we spent forming our friendship and they still make me happy. I don't even know that they realized what a major part of my life they became. But they were. A few months ago it all kind of fell apart, and while they are still there, it's not what it was. I don't think it ever will be. And to be honest that makes me sad. I should have talked to the me from two years ago and I'd know what to do differently.


This year life has done a 180. I'm in a job that I truly love. Sometimes it drives me crazy and I want to scream, but even through all of that I love it. I have friends old and new that are amazing. They have/are walking through life with me good and bad speaking truth when needed, laughing through the funny, & ridiculous, and are hopeful for whatever my future has in store.


I think about Sandrine 4 years ago and I have a hard time remembering her. I feel like she and the me now are two totally different people. I think about the me two years ago and I think about how hopeless she felt at times and I can see how far she has come. I look over the last year with mixed emotions,  there were high Highs, and lows so low I think I'm still trying to recover from them. 


This year has flown by but I'm looking forward to what the next year has in store for me, whatever it may be. I've been feeling restless lately, but maybe that's just growing pains...

Just a thought

Something funny/crazy/ totally bizarre happened today. It was the kind of thing I would have picked up the phone to call and tell you about. A reason just to hear your voice and laugh with you.

Big things happened not too long ago. Once again they were things that I would have wanted to share with you. Things that I could have gotten your honest opinion on, things I would have liked to celebrate with you.

Today I was discussing the difference between love and obsession. In the midst of the conversation I said that I think I might have been obsessed, but the more I think about it - the more I think I was in love with the idea of you. Don't get me wrong you were/are a great person, but now that it's all said and done I think about the time I had "getting over you" and I think it was more "getting over the idea of you".

Sometimes I still want to call you. Sometimes I still want to laugh with you. But that chapter is over, and who am I to try and put a comma where God put a period?

It's time for a new chapter with a new someone. Time to call someone else when the funny things happen. Time to want to laugh with someone else.

This Season....

I wish I were a better blogger, I always have things I want to write about, yet fail to make time to sit down and write them. I think I get too easily distracted with "life". Sometimes I wonder if I miss a lot of life because I am so busy with it. Does that even make sense?


Today is my Sabbath. Sunday should probably always be my sabbath, but I've been so committed to church and other things that a solid day of rest is often over-looked on my part. So today I decided I was going to have a real sabbath. I slept in, skipped church, went to the movies, had lunch, and now I'm sitting on the couch with two sweet puppies taking time to do what I want - write. It has been a lovely day.


My own personal life has changed so drastically in the last 5 months it kind of makes my head spin. I have a new job that I absolutely love, with a boss that I don't even know if I can find the right words to grasp what an amazing boss he is. The church that I was so hesitant to even go to regularly is now a HUGE part of my life. I am learning, connecting, and directing there, and it's crazy. But I love it. My friends have increased in number, sadly when life is changing for you and for the people around you it's hard to keep up with everyone. I've added some new folks who bring new color and insight to life as I know it and I'm thankful for each one of them. I also had to let some friendships go. I came to realize that some people couldn't be trusted, some were liars, and some didn't care as much as I did, and some I just needed space from. And as much as that saddens me it is a part of life.


Overall, I can't complain about this season of life. There are things of course that I would love to fall into place or to change, but since I can't change them, I am learning to adapt and work with what I've been given. Life is constantly changing and I think we are all trying to go with the flow and dodge the punches thrown our way. Through it all I'm praying not only for myself but for all of you, "Jesus show me the way you want me to go, direct my path."


I hope everyone out there is doing well!


Know that you are loved!


Sandrine