Dreams, Silly Dreams

I think most people don't recall their dreams or if they do the details are fuzzy. I can almost count the number of times I can remember dreaming. They say there is no such thing as a "dreamless" sleep, but I think I really do have dreamless sleep sometimes.

All that being said, I have had some pretty vivid dreams in recent weeks. And they are so so so very random. My dream last night seemed so freakishly real, and for one of the first times, I could see everyone's faces, I knew exactly where I was, and what was going on. It was actually a very happy dream, so why did I wake up heart pounding and feeling like I might vomit?

Maybe because it was so real, maybe because it's something trapped in the back of my head that I haven't even allowed myself to think on it. And so here I am today still thinking about it, and looking for a way to shake it from my brain. Don't most people try to hold onto their happy dreams? Should I really try to shake it from my brain? What do I do with this?

I know, this is by far one of my most random post and definately one of the vaguest. Welcome to my life...

Robin In The Snow

We've reached that time in the year, where I am feeling pain and I am almost certain it is death. A normal person would think that maybe you should go to the doctor and maybe figure out what exactly the pain is and why you are feeling it. But not me. I figure if I'm going to die I don't really want to know. :)

I don't really feel like I'm dying, but death is on my mind today. As I mentioned on Friday I have come to realize that I own a ridiculously large amount of sad music. So while hanging out with my good friend Ben on Saturday I tell him that I need some happy music. Ben tells me about an artist, Sonya Kitchell, particularly her song, Robin In The Snow. He says I have to download it immediately and listen. So I do, and I listen to it on my drive home. If I hadn't already been 20 minutes from his house I might have driven back to hit him. The song is about seeing a Robin born in the winter, much too early for a Robin to be out and because of the little Robin has been born to early it's dying. She says no one, but her knew about the Robin, and therefore she will miss it when it's gone, but who is going to miss her when she is gone. Did I mention that I've been a little needy and on the gloomy music kick? So why why why would you give me this dreadful song to listen to? I was so sad by the time the song ended and convinced I am going to die alone with no one to miss me. Thanks Ben!

Today begins, Operation Cheer where I am searching for happy music, happy movies, and good friends. I'm headed over to the Tarantino house for some Super Bowl watching, so that is a guaranteed good time.....

How to Save An Eye...

So technically I should be busy at work. But it's a slow friday and I feel very ADD. At the moment the web department is having a meeting back in my office, since it's the only conference table. Have you ever had the opportunity to sit through a web meeting? It is an interesting thing to see and hear. The people that you know to be "normal" suddenly transform before you and are replaced with true nerds, no geeks.

I suddenly feel like I'm in an episode of Star Trek and some strange species is taking over and they are speaking a language that I don't understand, and it's scary! So in the middle of all the crazy I want to gouge my eye out. To save my eye I've located my iPhone charger and headphones and have "plugged into the matrix". I've also been perusing DSW for shoes and updating my twitter like a maniac. Which I'm sure my followers are loving.

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So overall, I think it's a hormonal day. I feel uber needy and already shamelessly asked Monica not to leave me when she came back to visit earlier this morning. I used to have major issues with being needy, like it made me a weak person. But as of late, I've just learned to embrace it. Sometimes you just need a hug or to spend time with people, and it's a side effect of hormones. :) It probably doesn't help that I seem to own a ridiculous amount of sad/sappy music. Some of my favorites right now are Adele, Amy Winehouse, Missy Higgins, Yael Naim, Vedera, Rachel Yamagata, etc... All are great, but really are kind of on the dreary side. To make matters worse, a few nights ago on American Idol a girl sang the Billie Holiday song, Good Morning Heartache. I love love love Torch singers, so that song has always been a favorite of mine. So it's been in my regular rotation this week. As you can tell from the title of the song, it's not the happiest of songs. After listening to it 4 times yesterday I told Monica I wanted to light a cigarette and go lay on the front lawn of the office in the rain praying for death. Yeah. Happiness and Sunshine! I need happy music!

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A bride just came in for a tour, thus saving me from the back office and the geekdom that is running rampant back here. Maybe they'll be gone by the time I get back. :) Tee Hee!

Updating

I just got off the phone with my long time pal Christina. I have known Christina so long, I'm not even sure how long we've known each other. She moved to Canada with her Canadian husband what seems like a million years ago and is now the Mom of 4 ridiculously cute kiddos! She's just started a new blog so be sure to pop over there and say hello (www.amamaandherducklings.blogspot.com) Moms, I know she'd love to do the kid/family talk things and bloggers she'd love some input on fun things she can do with her page.

But I digress....

Because our lives went in two totally different directions it's rare that we get to spend quality time catching up. We have facebook, but in all honesty that doesn't truly lend itself to How you really are, what's REALLY going on in your life, etc... So it should go without saying that it was lovely to have time to talk, really talk - not virtually and catch up.

When I think about my life - growing up it's hard to find memories that don't include Christina. We could be the best of friends or the worst of enemies. And God help the soul that got on our bad side at the same time. Some of the best/worst gossiping I've ever done was with her. We were talking about a friend of ours that we have both lost touch with and I couldn't help but remember one night when were about 14/15 years old at Summer Camp. Me, Christina, & Kimberly - we snuck out of our dorm and were hanging out on the picnic table in front of our dorm. We weren't doing anything just talking and sharing what we thought were secrets. The funny part was, every secret we shared we had shared with one of the other two. So when you started to tell your secret the one you thought didn't know would cut you off to tell you the other friend had already told them. (Does that make sense?) Anyway, it was so funny and to this day one of my favorite memories.

I'm not a Taylor Swift fan and I'm not trying to get all sappy, but her new song Fifteen has had been thinking back on that age a lot lately. At fifteen I thought life couldn't get any better than those moments and that when we grew up we'd take our families on camping trips together and still have those moments of sneaking out in the middle of the night to share secrets. Obviously that's not how life turned out. I do wish that we had been better with keeping in touch with Kimberly, but I'm so glad we have managed to hold onto our friendship.

And of course because she is blogging now, she's on my butt to be better about updating. So much to your enjoyment or chagrin... I will be blogging more frequently. :)

Be sure to visit her blog, say hello and share blogging info with her and check out pictures of her stupidly cute kids (Riley, Nathaniel, Jamus, & Annabella)

Ciao for Now!

Dear 2010

Dear 2010,

Welcome! In case you were unaware your brother, 2009, sucked. I have high expectations for you. Although, this first week you have been a severe let down. Let's just hope and pray that's old whatshisbutt 09' just clearing out his remnants.

I need you to be a much better year please. Be kind to my heart, it can't take another year like last year.

I promise in turn that I will try to do right by you, and I will let everyone know what a great year you are.

I hope you don't let me down. It's early and even though it's been a ridiculously rough start, I have already started to love you. Don't let me down!

Lovingly yours,
Sandrine

The missing piece

I don't know what was different about this week. The heavens didn't open up and a light didn't shine down on me, I didn't get a special visitation of an Irish Angel and Black Angel driving a convertible Cadillac. There was nothing that was a magical shift or change in my week. But it was an extraordinary week. It was not a week of amazing events or even one spectacular thing.

This week it felt like the missing piece was found. The piece of me that I have been keenly aware was missing for quiet some time. Almost 7 years to be exact. I don't know where I found it or how it all worked, but I know that I felt different this week. The way I interacted with family, friends, & complete strangers reminded me of the girl I used to know. The girl that I've missed being. Like I said, I'm not sure what happened or why it all fell into place this week, but I'm almost overjoyed to feel "whole" again.

I think in finding that missing piece I realized there were things that I put in it's place that kept me from being able to put the piece back. That meant letting go of past hurts, one in particular that I used to think I might not recover from. I passed the peace pipe this morning. It was way past time. I didn't get a response, but the simple acting of passing it on felt like I was putting glue on that piece to secure it in place and make sure I never lose it again.

It's good to be back....

S

Long Time No Blog

Guess Who?!?!?!?! It's been a long time! I've missed you guys!

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Now playing: Club Des Belugas - Hip Hip Chin Chin (Yaziko club mix)
via FoxyTunes